There are always going to be things we worry about. Me personally, I try to worry as less as possible. In fact, I hardly worry about my health situation as I feel like I have it under control. Or at least, the doctors have. For now I’m healthy as I can be and I am getting my kidney on February 6, 2014. Finally that part of my life is sorted. After I get the kidney I’ll probably start worrying about how long it will last and will I have to go through this nightmare again but hopefully I’ll be too busy living my life to the fullest that I wont have time to worry. Family is a different story.
I always knew that one day I would have to deal with my parents getting old and figuring out how to deal with it. Do you go against what makes them happy because you know they would be better off or do you leave them to deal with their own retirement and find comfort knowing they grow old with their dignity? I don’t know, but I do know that being the youngest in the family used to mean that I could get away with not having to be involved in family matters but as I get older, I find myself being the mediator. When did I suddenly have grow up? I would always be the one playing with the dogs on the farm while everyone else had to pack peaches or slave in the kitchen. I believe that issues need to be spoken about in the open and so everyone can say their piece then we can discuss a solution. I see life like that. The quicker we can move on and all the on the same page, the better.
I have been dealing with other areas of my life lately that I have been majorly struggling with. I learned a long time ago that we are in control of our own feelings and that no one can make you feel bad. That is so much easier to say than do but I get it, people have their own motives why they do things and some people love to try and drag others down to make themselves feel better. I cannot fathom being nasty to someone ‘just because’ but the more I put myself out there, the more I realise there are some incredibly unhappy people in this world. I struggle with people that lack respect for others and given my situation, I simply believe I don’t deserve it. No one does. In a perfect world, we would all help each other, smile, be pleasant, have manners and have respect. I had a lady I don’t even know comment on my blog saying, “I wish the world could have your wonderful attitude….there would be no wars or hatred!! I don’t even know you but you are my hero!!”. Unbelievably sweet.
On the flip side, there are people like that out there. She believes in me and doesn’t even know me. The universe has also sent me a long lost school friend who is willing to give up her kidney for me. Someone that has 4 children and a loving husband and can find it in her heart to do this most selfless act, for no other reason than she wants to give back. That is the meaning of gratitude. I know that I have opened my heart for someone like my donor to enter my life. I want a transplant so bad. The fluid restriction on dialysis is killing me. Plugging myself in every night is doing my head in but mostly, I don’t want to worry my husband anymore. When he looks at me, I don’t want to see sadness in his eyes, I want to see hope. He does his best to help me through this, but I just want it to be over so we can plan for our future.
I am proud of what I have achieved so far in my life. I was a Lions Community Achiever Award entrant and raised $15,000 in three months for the Australian Kidney Foundation, now known as Kidney Health Australia. I have travelled around Australia, been to Fiji, Hawaii, Lord Howe Island and Europe. Got married to the man of my dreams and have an amazing circle of friends. I think I am kind and respectful to people that I meet and have a positive outlook on life that reflects on others. I love children and love nature. The simple things in life make me happy. Everyday I wake up and am grateful for the beautiful house I live in. I have no reason to fill empty. I am ashamed to admit that sometimes, I do.
I have to believe that I’m a good person and that everything I do is based on love and respect for others and myslef. I am not perfect, but I try to be the best person I know how and that may not always be enough for some but that’s ok. I need to give my worries away, trust that I am doing what I can. If I pull myself back and remind myself what makes me happy, I can get through each day. I cannot save the world but I can save myself. I take a deep breath, hold my head up high and remind myself I have it all. Strong mind ,strong body. Two things that remind me how brave I am. The important thing is my transplant has been booked in. Maybe I should start reminding myself how lucky I am. It is finally real. Its actually happening.
My whole world is humbling. So brings me to how accepting peoples help, can be liberating. I want to be free so I’m going to put a couple of things out there. I have started a fundraiser for myself. My kidney stuff, is not my fault. I should not be ashamed of my situation. I have always driven old cars. That’s just my thing. My first car was a 1968 HK Holden. So beautiful. It was cream with a green racing stripe on the side. My second car was a 1971 HG. Equally as beautiful. So solid to drive. My latest car is a 1991 Subaru. It’s almost getting to vintage status but not quite. It is so reliable and is a perfect summer surf mobil. It is filled with sand and dog hair and has the best tape player in it. Lately I have had Transvision Vamp and Divinyls on high rotation. So much fun but the minute I try and take it to Perth, it would certainly attract the wrong attention. The yellow sticker kind. To cut a long story short, as I couldn’t work that much in the last financial year due to my kidney failing (minor incident!), our bank and mortgage broker couldn’t lend us anymore money which we had planned on spending on a new car for me to get to my post transplant appointments which will require me to be in Perth for a couple of months after the op. We have one reliable car which hubby will need to use to continue to travel back home, 3 hours from the hospital, to keep one of his jobs that pays the mortgage while I’m in recovery. So apparently I need a new car. I might even enjoy driving one! Here is the link of my fundraiser, please feel free to share: http://gogetfunding.com/project/kidneyqueen-waiting-for-my-2nd-kidney-transplant (copy and paste link in Google)
The other issue is the dog that I saved from being put to sleep. He has been in foster care for over two months now and the woman who is looking after Jaime is having to separate her and her other dog 24/7. If you could share his flyer far and wide, together we may be able to find him a loving home before Christmas. So not only do I have to rely on someone to give me a kidney to save my life, I am also relying on the generosity of the community for donations to help fund my car and help find a dog a home. I wonder what it will be next, a baby perhaps? I don’t ask for much do I??? Love Maria x
• Kelpie/Alsatian X
• Born 14/11/2012
• Fully vaccinated
• House trained
• Highly intelligent & eager to please
• Responds to commands very well
• Loves cuddles, toys & fetching balls Due to no fault of his own, Jamie was recently surrendered to the pound & is currently in foster care. The boy has not been socialised properly with other dogs and is undergoing corrective training which is progressing well. Jamie is suited to a single dog home. His new owner should be willing to continue his corrective training. Jamie will make a very loyal & rewarding companion.
For further information please contact Maria:
0404 199 279